Nothing you can't spell will ever work!

Will Rogers (1879-1935)

Bankers Are Just Like Anybody
Else, Except Richer

    This is a song to celebrate banks,
    Because they are full of money and you go into them
       and all you hear is clinks and clanks,
    Or maybe a sound like the wind in the trees on the hills,
    Which is the rustling of thousand-dollar bills.
    Most bankers dwell in marble halls,
    Which they get to dwell in because they encourage
       deposits and discourage withdralls,
    And particularly because they all observe one rule which
       woe betides the banker who fails to heed it,
    Which is you must never lend any money to anybody
       unless they don't need it.
    I know you, you cautious conservative banks!
    If people are worried about their rent it is your duty to
       deny them the loan of one nickel, yes, even one
       copper engraving of the martyred son of the late
       Nancy Hanks;
    Yes, if they request fifty dollars to pay for a baby you 
       must look at them like Tarzan looking at an uppity
       ape in the jungle,
    And tell them what do they think a bank is, anyhow,
       they had better go get the money from their wife's
       aunt or ungle.
    But suppose people come in and they have a million
       and they want another million to pile on top of it,
    Why, you brim with the milk of human kindness and
       you urge them to accept every drop of it,
    And you lend them the million so then they have two
       million and this gives them the idea that they
       would be better off with four,
    So they already have two million as security so you have
       no hesitation in lending them two more,
    And all the vice-presidents nod their heads in rhythm,
    And the only question asked is do the borrowers want
       the money sent or do they want to take it withm.
    But please do not think that I am not fond of banks,
    Because I think they deserve our appreciation and
       thanks,
    Because they perform a valuable public service in elimi-
       nating the jackasses who go around saying that health
       and happiness are everything and money isn't essential,
    Because as soon as they have to borrow some unimportant
       money to maintain their health and happiness they starve
       to death so they can't go around any more sneering at
       good old money, which is nothing short of providential.

Ogden Nash (1902-1971)

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